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Chucking a pick axe at the man he shouted: Keep going! There
will be no surrender!
No surrender admittedly but plenty of sewage sprouting up as
the pick axe punctured the pipe line and the Gestapo were all
covered in shit. They all began scrambling out of the five foot deep
trench as Uncle Badger Bunt and the gamekeeper came round the
corner. They both looked distinctly miffed for the woodland
creatures had possessed the audacity to evade them for an hour
before one noble Bunt had fallen into a trap cunningly laid by a
group of crafty weasels and one particularly clever stoat.
Nazis! Uncle Badger Bunt yelled before taking aim.
Here it is! Wilson waved a piece of paper in the air. This
reveals where the treasure chest is! He read down it and his face
fell. It says, and I quote, that one can find the treasure chest in
one s life if one lives it to the full. I suspect your father has been
trying to teach us all a moral lesson. He always took the Bible too
seriously.
So that s it? groaned Benjamin. All this going head to
head with the Nazis, wandering down secret tunnels and it turns
out that either my Dad or his brother were taking the piss? Fan-
fucking-tastic!
I m sure there s a lesson to be learnt here sir!
Yeah! Don t ever listen to your relatives or the servants!
Back in the study Wilson identified the body of Cousin Frank
before the defeated paramedics took him away on a stretcher. The
other Nazis had all fled into the countryside, pursued by the
gamekeeper and Uncle Badger on horseback with a pack of blood
thirsty hounds. The machine gun that once took pride of place in
Great Uncle Broderick s weaponry collection had gone as well as
the revolver and the seventeenth century cannon.
The solicitor leant back in his chair with a long drag on his
cigar. Wilson folded his arms in disapproval while Imelda sat in
the corner removing penny farthing coins from her metal detector.
Benjamin just frowned, vexed at being away from his writing for an
entire day to be a cast member in such a farce.
So, Wilson paced the rug before the solicitor with his arms
behind his back. Am I to deduce that this was another red
herring?
Eh?
I hoped for a better response from a man acting for the
Bunt family. What I mean to say is that we have obviously been
tricked again today. Was this some cruel plot that you thought
would be funny?
Stop moaning at me! replied the solicitor before putting on
a pair of slippers and pouring himself some Cognac. I ve had to
go along with all this stupidity plus the fact that one of your lot
killed their nephew today! I didn t expect that!
That will sort itself out, Wilson seemed severe. Cousin
Frank knew the risks when he became a Nazi. Anyway, am I to
understand that my master, a man of camaraderie and cannabis, is
to lose his inheritance to the RSPCA?
No, the interest from the money in the Swiss Bank account
since Mr Thomas Endeavour Bunt s death has gone to the charity
but otherwise it s all in tact.
And who will inherit what? Wilson asked impatiently.
Please calm yourself, the solicitor wiped his brow and
cleared his throat. He picked up another document from his desk
to begin reading.
Bunt Hall will be sold to the Madame Tussauds group who
plan to build a theme park in the grounds. Bunt Castle in Scotland
will go to Imelda Bunt so that she can continue her work in
establishing whether the Loch Ness Monster exists. Bunt Villa in
Tuscany goes to Benjamin. Stella s Massage Parlour in the Old
Kent Road goes to Tristan who, as it s biggest patron, will
appreciate it the most. The student bed sit in Coventry will be sold
with the money going to the Foundation for Impoverished Students
as founded by Great Uncle Broderick. Flat 58b Old Compton Street
London goes to Distant Relative Tarquil Sheridan. Gardening
allotment 34 in Southcote, Reading was sold to the council with the
money to be donated to Allotment Awareness, a charity very close
to Mr Thomas Endeavour Bunt s heart. The beach hut in Herne Bay
burnt down two years ago and wasn t insured which is shame for
Uncle Badger Bunt who was due to inherit it. The Nazi gold:
account number 4746553 in Von Helzinger Bank Zurich will go to St
Ostrich s Orphanage in Warsaw while Shakespeare s original pen
and quill scripts was just made up. Apparently the family were in
possession of them until Lord Maverick Bunt lost them in a game
of Poker in 1798 along with Bunt Island in the Pacific and a small
Jack Russell called Pickles.
The solicitor looked up to see an empty room. Down by the
lake the diggers moved in.
We got Tuscany! yelled Benjamin as Wilson drove the
Bentley down the drive way. What a result!
Master Benjamin, Wilson began in a distinctly disapproving
tone. Has it escaped your attention that Bunt Hall, the seat of the
noble Bunt family since 1578, will be turned into a theme park?
That s progress for you, remarked Skag counting through
the precious stones he had liberated from the Bunt collection.
Wonderful! Wilson screeched the car out onto the road. So
Bunt Hall, where Elizabeth I, Charles II and Wellington dined,
where Darwin used to stay after a hard days work probing a chimp
and Dickens used to drop by during writing his great unfinished
work Mr Bigtop about a travelling circus, that this should turn
into nothing more than a glorified fairground! To think that the
oaks will be chopped down to accommodate American burger
outlets and the staff will be checking people s heights for the big
dipper!
That s progress for you, repeated Skag.
Chapter IV
To brew a truly great cup or pot of tea,
always ensure you leave the tea bags in
the hot water for exactly five minutes. It
will leave the drinker sighing in total
contentment and declaring what a damn
fine cup of tea you make. But be careful,
don t let them take advantage.
Having inherited the Bunt residence in Tuscany, Benjamin
insisted they spend a week there. Karim and Skag were delighted
to do so but Jane seemed a little reluctant.
A few days of arguments between them followed so that
crockery was smashed against walls and shouting could be heard
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