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the wrong sort of people," he said. "But surely the exorbitant price currently
set on Club membership ought to be more than enough to discourage them."
Lacking a mirror at that moment I could not hope to see the scowl that
darkened my brow, but to judge from the way in which Pinch gasped, flinched,
and startled away at the sight of it, it must have been a oner.
"
Money?
" I thundered. "Is that all you think is at stake here? Not money, but the
love of money is the
Biblical root of all evil. A love which, my dear Pinch, seems to have laid
hold of your heart with both hands and a divorce lawyer. There are worse
things than going out-of-pocket in a good cause. I suggest you reflect,
reconsider, and repent any schemes you might have entertained for lightening
your own pecuniary obligations towards the Club by bringing in new members."
With that, I turned on my heel and
strode off, bristling smartly.
It was a marvelous snit, if I do say so myself, although its effect was rather
ruined by the fact that I only stalked off as far as the first tee. Righteous
indignation is all very well, but a gentleman honors his golf dates.
Pinch did not play well that day, even for him. I flattered myself into
believing that his mediocre performance on the links somehow betokened
contrition of soul. Clearly he had taken my words of chastisement to heart;
there would be no more talk of grubbing up new members for the Club as if they
were so many blue-blooded radishes.
I was wrong, of course; in all his sorry, short lifetime, Pinch never did
truly heed any words save
Buy
Low, Sell High
. He showed up with his "find" approximately one week later, much as a cat
will display a mangled rat upon the doorsill.
This is not to say that Renée Speranza in any way resembled a dead rat. Far
from it. She was as toothsome a morsel of femininity as might have been
discreetly salivated over in a less enlightened, more enjoyable epoch. It was
not her physical beauty alone which had the power to charm. Besides the
attractions of a well-formed leg, a dainty waist, and a gloriously
proportioned bosom, there clung to her also a certain air of mystery, of
spirituality, almost of melancholia, that subtle breath of the tomb that makes
all Romantic poets and certain Vassar girls so damnably intriguing.
And she was rich, as Pinch made haste to inform anyone who would listen.
"Bundles of the stuff," was the way he put it to me.
I sighed. "Pinch, my dear fellow, do you think it wise
?"
"Do I think what wise?" he asked. The two of us were alone at a table in the
Club bar, the hour still being early, the premises still being relatively
underpopulated. Miss Speranza had excused herself to seek out the Ladies'
Lounge.
"Well, you know: To speak so freely of of of your escort's economic
condition."
"Good Lord, what's wrong with that?" Pinch exclaimed. "If she were in debt,
then I could see the need for discretion, but "
I sighed again, deeply. Knowing Pinch was turning into a crash course in
aerobics for me, improving my lung capacity by the moment. Certain subjects
are not the meat of public conversation nor inquiry. One's sexual exploits may
be expounded carte blanche
, the more boring aspects of one's career are common fodder for all the best
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dinner parties, even one's political affiliations may be commented upon before
the general ruck (provided, of course, that one has not committed the ghastly
faux pas of belonging to one of those hideous, crackpot, fringe parties, such
as the Socialists, the Libertarians, or the Democrats), but one's money
? I sighed and then I shuddered.
I suppose it all came back to the fact that Pinch's forebears had been too
long in exile from the proper circles. The poor lad simply did not know any
better. One does not swat a puppy for irrigating the
Aubusson, one trains it gently away from such behavior. Thus I attempted to do
with Pinch. As delicately and as expediently as possible, I attempted to show
him his error.
It did not work. "Now look, old man," he told me, "I honestly don't see the
harm in anything I've said.
When Renée rejoins us, I'm sure she'll agree with me. The lady wants to join
the Club; won't she be
investigated by the Board? Won't they want to know about her fiscal status?"
"Just as that charming nurse from the insurance company wanted to know whether
I indulged in recreational pharmaceuticals and the love that dare not speak
its name," I replied coldly. "This information I provided willingly, but I do
not think I would want her speaking of it ad libitum whenever the conversation
flags."
"Her money's clean
, if that's what's troubling you," Pinch persisted. "None of it earned in
trade
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